Discovering I was pregnant at 22 years old, I was immediately at peace. Well…I freaked out for about 5 mins of course, and in my hysteria, I held my belly and knew you were a boy. It was the craziest thing! I just knew you were meant for me. When I broke the news to some friends about my new revelation, I remember someone vividly saying, “Damn, I had high hopes for you.” As if I ruined my life. As if I still couldn’t be great. I was hurt by that comment, but they didn’t know what I knew. You and I were always meant to be this dynamic duo. You are my destiny.
“I am proud of many things in life but nothing beats being a mother.”
On the other hand, raising you on my own has been one of the most challenging, isolating, and the most elating experiences of my entire life. Is it easy? NOPE! Somedays I do grieve the life I knew before having you. I think that’s normal. When you grow out of your comfort zones, it can be super painful. I went into motherhood thinking I was going to raise you alongside with who I envisioned as my soulmate. Life had other plans. In return, Life did give me my soul mate. You mirror the best sides of who I am. You, my love, are my soulmate. I thought for a very long time that the greatest man does not exist. That may be the case. Then I thought, If the greatest man does not exist, then I’ll birth him and raise him to be that.
Coming to terms with this autism diagnosis has not differed my feelings of your purpose in this life. I’m here to coach you, to guide you, to direct you in the best path on this journey called life. And then eventually you’ll soar, part ways, and conquer the world. But right this moment, at 3, you have already given hope to so many. You have shown autism spectrum is just a diagnosis to get you the services you need, but it doesn’t limit you. It doesn’t define you. The world is so concerned with defining a “normal,” that they forget it’s the divergence that changes the world.